Month or so since I wrote: truly fantastic Christmas with all the family here – two grandchildren and I revel in being ‘Granny Scotland’. Best and most beautiful tall Christmas tree ever from forest in Peebles: it had a strange double trunking at top (now living in back garden). Fantastic New Year with Brazilian friend Martha, her daughter María, son-in-law (lovely guitarist William) and grandson Led: candle lit procession to Carlton Hill with thousands of others on the ‘night afore’; superb last performance of Christmas show Beauty and the Beast at the Royal Lyceum Theatre, and Italian supper with Carlos and Giovanna on Hogmanay; with pipers and harpists at Gilchrists in Portobello for us all as the year turned from 2011 to 2012. Then a Brazilian New Year’s day: meal with salt cod, courtesy of Martha, with much music and singing (ping pong and chequers) from everyone who came. Since then have been to London for the annual Popular Music journal board meeting when it was lovely to see everyone again in the beautiful Royal Society of Arts building (Nikki, Keith, John, Allan, Sarah, MArtin and the CUP people). Next day did a trip I love going up river by boat from Tate Britain to Tate Modern to see the Taceta Dean film installation; visited Occupy outside St Paul’s for a short time (brave people). Main object of trip was to see my children and grandsons again… visited my lovely friend Toni and lovely friend Jen.
Also saw the intriguing Dr Etienne Callebout again at the Nutri-Centre. Have to say process of getting the results from the bllod and urine tests that were done for him by Genova Diagnostics and getting his recomendations were very frustrating full of delay (all rather inefficient) so i nearly gave up on him before Christmas. When i did get his hand written recomendations in the post after numeous emails and calls (lab mislaid results…) they were diifficult to decipher and I then went into a panic as it means taking about 40+ or so highly specialised supplements, pills and liquids, morning and evening; plus a strict regime involving three ‘green’ juice a day and three green juice days a week with green only foods and extra more old fashioned de-tox mustard foot-baths and epsom salt baths. The rest of the time a diet that is a mostly green juices, green and purple veg and oily fish (hardly any fats save oils; no salt, no sugars…); breakfast of mix of 20+ special proteins and ‘super foods’, nuts, oils, and supplements. I could not get my head around the whole thing for quite a long time. Totally anti-social and bloody hard work to boot. Also extremely costly. Not easy to get all the things needed (5-6 source places in UK, Germany, Belgium, Singapore and USA).
Then after a time in mid-late December I realised I had no choice really. Got my very modest lump sum pension in bank which is not a lot but hey might as well spend what I have in coming year and see if it works. It should just last the year. Sourcing pills and supplements has taken time as you have to ring/email/ go on line/ transfer moneys (also can’t read his handwriting easily so needed type it all out again into a list etc); then the actual regime takes a long time to follow each day, including regularly sorting and counting pills into glasses ready to take (they all come in different size packs and bottles so you run out of some quickly, so you have to keep on top of ordering them); got to make sure you got all greens and food in house (asparagus soup 3 times a day – i manage once… if lucky); got to go get fresh fish all the time (nearest fishmonger closed in Autumn but still not far up hill to Bruntsfield); and then you’ve got to do it! Huge mental adjustment. Avocado, avocado, avocado
Still i am managing to get into it although rather more slowly than i hoped. 3 days a week are just (meant to be) green de-tox days: no protein or anything else – just green juices and green soups; special mustard foot baths; epsom salt big bath when you rub castor oil into lymph areas all over body with a cold pack on your head and neck (I kid not!). Really not managed that all yet. Building up to it. Wasting time not doing it. Seem to be a lot of emotinal hurdles to jump. Lack of protein some days makes me feel weak and weepy. I can get set off at least thing – any sense of perceived (often ill-perceived!) ‘rejection’ – totally illogical stuff – i just feel like a birds egg that got trampled on. Often feel totally unreasonable. Spend so much time on my own so get ‘locked’ in thoughts in my own head. Poeple are kind but hey who is really interested in this kind of regime and life and talk of enemas!
Callebout checked my blood (‘still sticky: not worse but not better…’). He’s a private doctor with many patients – no shortage – so you can’t bleat about costs, or ask ‘will this be worth it’. Got to take it all on trust. Can’t check out if he is the genius people say – got to believe it. He is using his expertise to try and help one stay alive. It’s a cornucopia approach: everything that might help thrown in but all very highly guaged. Ask him a question and you get a highly technical answer.
My whole life is different to what it has been. Not shaped by work any more. Usually in January i am darting through to Glasgow almost every day for 2 weeks to Celtic Connections festival (0ften there and back in a night) to see concerts and write about them for Scotsman: not this year. Done a bit of reviewing and some work in recent months (flamenco compilation, few music features) but nothing much. Place taken straight way by others too. Bruised ego problems!
Pf course I am not doing badly. I am very lucky. Lovely home, great family, amazing friends. Yes friends are great: they come round; we go for walks (Judy, Therese); they phone (Judith, Christine; Giovanna who phones almost every day ‘bambola how are you?’ she says…); lots of cinema often with Fran takes my mind off things (The Artist, Girl with the Dragon Tatoo, Atalante). MET nights at the Cameo Picture House cinema lots of Saturday nights (Judy, Dave, Clive). Tai Chi on wed mornings. Yoga on Monday nights.
Burns night January New Year resolution: get into the garden, do a bit each day; focus on being here and holidaying, treats in Scotland; try and get to London every month or so to see grandchildren and children; finish wriitng comitments to others and write my book on women and music in Cuba. Stop feeling sorry for myself. It’s easier said than done to live in the present moment: you keep have futile thoguht like ‘oh i might not be here in 4/6/ months, a year etc’ ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!
Keep taking the pills and supplements- shake, rattle and roll into 2012. Off to try the mustard bath…